Don't blame anyone. True change cannot be accomplished by labeling people, but only by removing those labels through effort. Pain,shame and isolation are effective ways to bring crude change.For true change,change should come from within.
Going with the flow doesn't mean that you go up without preparation or go down with regret. Going with the flow means to adapt and change until the day comes that you control the flow. Laying back and observing,and deciding the best course of action.That's going with the flow.